Neko


'잡담'에 해당되는 글 129건

  1. 2017.07.10 things to write on
  2. 2017.07.10 Friendzoning
  3. 2017.07.10 School
  4. 2017.07.03 Internet
  5. 2017.07.03 Guilt and rich
  6. 2017.07.02 Cancer and other memes
  7. 2017.06.06 20170605 오늘의 뻘글
  8. 2017.04.30 20170430 Today's rant
  9. 2017.04.17 20170417 Today's rant
  10. 2017.04.16 20170415 오늘의 뻘글

part time offer experience LOL.

things to do/prepare when going to the airport

things to do/prepare when going to uni overseas without a family

korea

internet

death

the reason i rant

game's significance


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Posted by 에버토끼

Friendzoning

잡담/뻘글 2017.07.10 03:40

sorry

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Posted by 에버토끼

School

잡담/뻘글 2017.07.10 03:39

1 friend doing a resit

2 friends who lowered their grades, so graduating next year

3 subjects I was proud of but screwed up the exam

4 friends I miss

5 working days, low pay, nowhere to get a job

6 days until I visit Japan

7 days in a week

8 airline fees are expensive

9 family is unstable

10 coming down to myself, the sole reason

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Posted by 에버토끼

Internet

잡담/뻘글 2017.07.03 00:09

Internet takes up a lot of my awake hours.

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Posted by 에버토끼

Guilt and rich

잡담/뻘글 2017.07.03 00:08

Guilt and rich


Why must I feel guilty about living a better quality life than someone else?

Before that, let me talk a little about our family and our family's financial situation.


My dad works at Hyundai. In Korea, Hyundai is something similar to a Samsung or Google equivalent. A good workplace, to say. He is an expatriate, meaning that we travel overseas a lot (usually 4 years overseas with 2 years in between, living in Korea) and meaning that we have benefits, such as the company paying a proportion of our tuition fees / rent / having higher wage. However, in Korea, tuition is free / the higher wage overseas covers for the higher prices they have; considering this, when living overseas, rent is the only thing that gives us a more tangible benefit. 


However, living overseas is a cause of jealousy, among many people. My Korean friends, family members, etc, etc. They all think I'm rich as fuck, living the overseas life when I try to buy this less, that less. I've never bought any clothes for the past two years; I still use an iphone 4s, with a mid-2012 macbook pro. Accessories? Nothing. Even my schoolbag is at least 3 years old. I never really buy any games except undertale, which i bought and really, I rarely spend money on anything. Doesn't help the fact that our family still is short on fund and that my university tuitions are expensive as fuck. The past three years of not spending money on anything and it all goes out on tuition, and I'll still have to literally starve to get through uni, at least until I get a job. And everyone around me will still be jealous of my life. And there will be me, still starving as fuck, while others mock me on how rich I am. 


Why do I have to feel guilty from others' jealousy? Every time they say something like, "You're so lucky" or "I'm so jealous". Why do I have to be guilty of what I have? Why does our family still have to struggle to save so much when the only feedback we get are jealousy? At least make us rich and say something like "You're so lucky". Our family is just another ordinary. It's just that I was lucky enough to be able to attend uni at a foreign place, and I'll still have to save a lot in order to afford it. But all that suffering that our family will take, including myself, will be covered with the notion that our family is rich, and I'll still have to endure others' jealous glances.

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Posted by 에버토끼

Cancer and the internet


Cancer


Words like "cancer" "9/11" "retard", the most frequently used memes and insult words on the internet.

Personally I don't support the usage of these words but it's true it's difficult to communicate in meme communities if you are offended by these memes, and I agree being offended by such would come as a party pooper. A big one indeed, along with a troll title. 


I would never use these memes in real life though. I've had experience with cancer in our family and I think many people have as well, it's just a neverending fight and it really wears everyone out, both emotionally and physically. The fact that the person in front of you can pass out anytime, after all those years of suffering? pfff.


That being said. cancer in Korea. I'm reading shit online, and it says exactly the path our family is taking. Chemotherapy, radiation, "cured", relapse. Due to the familism nature of Korea, probably passed down due to Buddhism, women in the family can't function and have to care for the patient. Even when the chemo are too strong for the patient, due to the secret connections between the medication companies and hospitals, they keep recommending the therapy. Doctors have too much patients on hand so they can't care for patients until families bribe them, and well, there's nothing more to explain. 


Read more


Retard is another word that I rarely use. I won't say I don't use it at all- recently I've been using it more frequently and I'm reflecting on myself. My best friend hates the word, and so I stopped using it too. Calling someone a retard, yes, I know, sometimes that seems to be the only option. But really, people need to also think about those who are in need and are suffering. Same goes for autistic. All these symptoms affect those close to us, but why go ahead and insult them by degrading the value of the word? This thought sometimes hits me and I just had to write it somewhere. 


Other things. Feminism. This is a shit subject I hate to start with, but fuck it. This word has so much negativity it's just a joke at this point. Feminism is the act of working to achieve gender equality. What's wrong with that? Yes, there are cases when it's extreme, but please don't ignore the fact that this is actually a grave issue and it fucking exists. Memes seem to be ignoring this fact which kinda pisses me off. Also, there is no things such as "reverse discrimination", please don't shit yourselves into those types of victim mentalities, it's just proving that you're a loser... Alright, men may be discriminated at some point. But, men has already enjoyed many privileges in life, and that little shit ain't going to ruin your life, ain't it. Stop being a pussy a loser and step your game up. 

Say, you're rejected a job because a woman was chosen instead. That's not the result of discrimination. The woman was the person the company was looking for instead of what you could offer. So, fucking try harder, increase your worthiness instead of blaming it on gender. To those thinking this is an extreme example. It's probably one of the most widespread loser mentality one could have.


Islam. Trust me, I've lived in Arab countries for 8 years. Peeps are nice and kind. Yes, I understand, there are extremists, but extremists ≠ muslims. Please stop being ignorant. People really look naïve once they start to mix up muslims with extremists.... It's just sad. I feel bad for their lack of intelligence. Those that really hate muslims, okay okay lol. Sure. 


Another post I made 2 years ago


Discrimination. I've once read that "there is no one that cannot discriminate at all. You either discriminate less or discriminate more; it's just the difference in the extremity." And I think that's true. There can't be no discrimination, but you can choose to discriminate less. I assure you, it makes life easier. 

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Posted by 에버토끼

바쁘다

이사준비

대학준비

비자

서류


.

.


아프다

친구들

사회성

소통


아프다

하지만 참아야 해

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Posted by 에버토끼

Someone's thread in OT pushed me back into the Imagine Dragons roll. Now I'm just listening to their songs nonstop, weeb days are gone. lmao rip.


Lemme talk a little about Imagine Dragons and their significance on my life. 


Many people around me found ID while playing League of Legends around 2014. I know this because I have a number of friends from that game that know the band.. But I believe I've listened to their songs long before that. 


My first memory of ID's song is listening it from a radio. It wasn't once; they were several times. I'm pretty sure it was Demons, because I remember googling the lyrics "this is my kingdom, come". That was my first experience with their song. I also think I've thought their band name was pretty cool.


Then I heard On Top of the World. Seriously, I have no idea where I heard this song. I don't think it's from the radio, so it's most likely from YouTube or something like that. Who knows. I was following their twitter, especially after their collab with Riot Games. I've heard that they were releasing a new album. (This was also the time where I Bet My Life was building hype.) Cover art looked cool, the songs not really attractive except I Bet My Life.


I was wrong, because soon enough I got to hear the whole album. That usual first-time-don't-like syndrome, known exclusively to ID fans. This was around 2015, I suppose.


That was enough of my memory-digging, wow. Almost digressed from the topic.


2015. During the whole summer of 2015 I had to study for SATs at Korea (I'd returned for the summer). Korea sounds awesome. Great food, great people, convenient tech. Familiar places, transportations are easy to access, I've got freedom. That's all enjoyable and stuff, until you realize you're korean so you'll have to attend academies during your two months of vacation.


So my daily routine was: 

    8:00: leave home to ride a subway 

    8:30: arrive at academy

    8:30~13:00: listen to classes

    ~13:30: eat lunch

    ~18:00: study until 6PM, 

    ~19:00: arrive home, eat dinner.


Daily. Fucking terrible, I'm not used to this stuff. Imagine Dragons really helped me through this period, and I listened to their songs every single minute I was on the subway, bus, or studying. I listened to their songs for a month and could memorize the whole two albums just before their concert. By the way, their concert was a fantastic experience too. 


So, 2016. This was a tough year, As a junior, we had started our IB program. "The International Baccalaureate (IB) is your child's passport to a well-rounded and outstanding global education." This really had me dead. I've gotten depression just alone from this program, although as it's been less depressing since I've finished my courses and my sufferings are almost gone. 


During summer vacation of 2016, I had to visit Korea again. (Again, fucking terrible) This time my daily routine was similar but I just attended two academies instead of one. I'd come back home around 10PM. This was another round with ID songs. Just the two albums, over and over again.


ID's songs are really quite deep, and they really know how to compose those "shit". Their songs rather follow a generic pattern, beat and rhythm but I really focus more on the lyrics and the lyrics are truly what makes their song special, along with the artistic covers and unusual melody. I'm listening to Shots right now. All their songs are so special. 


Somehow Shots reminds me of the day I visited Moscow(or St.Petersburg, I don't remember)'s Hard Rock Cafe just to ask them for ID's huge placard lmao. Unfortunately they didn't have any ID merch, so I asked for the placard that was hanging on the wall. It was a joke but the woman probably thought 'what is wrong with this kid' and she was like, nope. Not allowed. ;D


Exams are literally around the edge, more like in my face now but you see, important things make procrastination shine. So here's my procrastination for the day. o/


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Posted by 에버토끼

In the forums or internet in general no one cares about you. It's the content they care about, whether that be shitposting or quality shitposting. It's the joy the audience gets that's important. If there's none, you're easily buried and your thread is likely to die real soon. 


You're depressed? Shitpost a sentence. Hey, imma depressed af!1 Someone else will shitreply, yeah me too!@ and that's the end of your rant. Nothing gained. The lack of connection and effort between people is like a secret mutual promise that no one really talks about. One day you're gone; no one's really going to care. Yes they will care, of course; but will it be sincere? Not sure about that.


You're depressed, want to rant? The sentence given above, in italics, is too short for you to include your emotions? Sorry, no one has time to listen to your shit. Go somewhere else. Maybe a consultant would be nice. 


I'm fine with this and I will continue to be fine with this rule, because it's also how I treat others online. This makes it easy; it makes connections easier to cut and/or make.


But it does have its problems. The more time I spend on the internet, the more empty I feel IRL. The correlation between internet life and IRL is inversely proportionate. 


Otherwise, I'm derailing, but I'm really finding it difficult to make boundaries between IRL and internet friends. Internet friends share hobbies and favorites. They gladly accept my presence. Dunno whether they care about me though. There's too many things that are covered in order to find out their true thoughts. I'm probably one of the most honest people on the web. I sometimes feel as if I'm giving out too much, and people around me probably have felt this and know about it. 


I hate the fact that at some point I have to admit being a girl. Happened twice in my gaming hobby as of now, but the second one I don't know if it was a good choice. I don't care about lewd jokes and I really don't get offended, but there are people who do feel uncomfortable and if I seriously think about it, listening to these matters aren't supposed to be nice, really. I've basically given up on that part so maybe that's why I really don't get offended by anything anymore. But both times I have to admit that admitting to being a girl sometimes also makes me feel like there's some barrier between. The grill barrier. lol. Hate to admit but exists somehow in some form, mild but clearly there.


IRL friends care about me but don't really share any common likes. I've come to the point that I don't really believe my IRL friends care about me that much either. It's just a form of manner, just being kind. I don't have any best friends. 


I'm an introvert and care about how others think of me too much. I had a weeb friend but she's out of this weeb business and I'm not confident in discussing weeb things with her; I'm afraid she'll get sick of it. Koreans think weeb matter makes people anti-social, childish, and/or *insert negative comment here*. Partially the reason I find Koreans generally hard to get along with. In Korea it's either you don't watch anime, or you're really the PG18 guy looking at animuu, creepily watching vids in a dark room, clutching your dakimakura.


When I meet a person, I start to think about many things they could be thinking about myself. My mind is too simple to look through all circumstances, and I easily come up with the conclusion: this person's not fit for me.


I've been on osu! forums lately, and I was quite surprised by the lack of word filtering in forums. "fuck" and "shit" were a natural occurrance. I still feel uncomfortable at times using those words, but I do use them a lot in real life and they do get points across. 


I don't want to study for maths. Maths suck. Paper 3 is hard. I don't get it.

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Posted by 에버토끼

생일.


being passionate about something. game? soccer? what could that be?



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