Neko


'잡담/뻘글'에 해당되는 글 116건

  1. 2017.06.06 20170605 오늘의 뻘글
  2. 2017.04.30 20170430 Today's rant
  3. 2017.04.17 20170417 Today's rant
  4. 2017.04.16 20170415 오늘의 뻘글
  5. 2017.04.15 20170414 오늘의 뻘글
  6. 2017.04.15 IB가 끝난 나에게
  7. 2017.04.15 IB가 두달 남은 나에게
  8. 2017.03.15 20170315 오늘의 뻘글
  9. 2017.03.01 20170228 오늘의 뻘글
  10. 2017.02.12 버켓리스트

바쁘다

이사준비

대학준비

비자

서류


.

.


아프다

친구들

사회성

소통


아프다

하지만 참아야 해

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Someone's thread in OT pushed me back into the Imagine Dragons roll. Now I'm just listening to their songs nonstop, weeb days are gone. lmao rip.


Lemme talk a little about Imagine Dragons and their significance on my life. 


Many people around me found ID while playing League of Legends around 2014. I know this because I have a number of friends from that game that know the band.. But I believe I've listened to their songs long before that. 


My first memory of ID's song is listening it from a radio. It wasn't once; they were several times. I'm pretty sure it was Demons, because I remember googling the lyrics "this is my kingdom, come". That was my first experience with their song. I also think I've thought their band name was pretty cool.


Then I heard On Top of the World. Seriously, I have no idea where I heard this song. I don't think it's from the radio, so it's most likely from YouTube or something like that. Who knows. I was following their twitter, especially after their collab with Riot Games. I've heard that they were releasing a new album. (This was also the time where I Bet My Life was building hype.) Cover art looked cool, the songs not really attractive except I Bet My Life.


I was wrong, because soon enough I got to hear the whole album. That usual first-time-don't-like syndrome, known exclusively to ID fans. This was around 2015, I suppose.


That was enough of my memory-digging, wow. Almost digressed from the topic.


2015. During the whole summer of 2015 I had to study for SATs at Korea (I'd returned for the summer). Korea sounds awesome. Great food, great people, convenient tech. Familiar places, transportations are easy to access, I've got freedom. That's all enjoyable and stuff, until you realize you're korean so you'll have to attend academies during your two months of vacation.


So my daily routine was: 

    8:00: leave home to ride a subway 

    8:30: arrive at academy

    8:30~13:00: listen to classes

    ~13:30: eat lunch

    ~18:00: study until 6PM, 

    ~19:00: arrive home, eat dinner.


Daily. Fucking terrible, I'm not used to this stuff. Imagine Dragons really helped me through this period, and I listened to their songs every single minute I was on the subway, bus, or studying. I listened to their songs for a month and could memorize the whole two albums just before their concert. By the way, their concert was a fantastic experience too. 


So, 2016. This was a tough year, As a junior, we had started our IB program. "The International Baccalaureate (IB) is your child's passport to a well-rounded and outstanding global education." This really had me dead. I've gotten depression just alone from this program, although as it's been less depressing since I've finished my courses and my sufferings are almost gone. 


During summer vacation of 2016, I had to visit Korea again. (Again, fucking terrible) This time my daily routine was similar but I just attended two academies instead of one. I'd come back home around 10PM. This was another round with ID songs. Just the two albums, over and over again.


ID's songs are really quite deep, and they really know how to compose those "shit". Their songs rather follow a generic pattern, beat and rhythm but I really focus more on the lyrics and the lyrics are truly what makes their song special, along with the artistic covers and unusual melody. I'm listening to Shots right now. All their songs are so special. 


Somehow Shots reminds me of the day I visited Moscow(or St.Petersburg, I don't remember)'s Hard Rock Cafe just to ask them for ID's huge placard lmao. Unfortunately they didn't have any ID merch, so I asked for the placard that was hanging on the wall. It was a joke but the woman probably thought 'what is wrong with this kid' and she was like, nope. Not allowed. ;D


Exams are literally around the edge, more like in my face now but you see, important things make procrastination shine. So here's my procrastination for the day. o/


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In the forums or internet in general no one cares about you. It's the content they care about, whether that be shitposting or quality shitposting. It's the joy the audience gets that's important. If there's none, you're easily buried and your thread is likely to die real soon. 


You're depressed? Shitpost a sentence. Hey, imma depressed af!1 Someone else will shitreply, yeah me too!@ and that's the end of your rant. Nothing gained. The lack of connection and effort between people is like a secret mutual promise that no one really talks about. One day you're gone; no one's really going to care. Yes they will care, of course; but will it be sincere? Not sure about that.


You're depressed, want to rant? The sentence given above, in italics, is too short for you to include your emotions? Sorry, no one has time to listen to your shit. Go somewhere else. Maybe a consultant would be nice. 


I'm fine with this and I will continue to be fine with this rule, because it's also how I treat others online. This makes it easy; it makes connections easier to cut and/or make.


But it does have its problems. The more time I spend on the internet, the more empty I feel IRL. The correlation between internet life and IRL is inversely proportionate. 


Otherwise, I'm derailing, but I'm really finding it difficult to make boundaries between IRL and internet friends. Internet friends share hobbies and favorites. They gladly accept my presence. Dunno whether they care about me though. There's too many things that are covered in order to find out their true thoughts. I'm probably one of the most honest people on the web. I sometimes feel as if I'm giving out too much, and people around me probably have felt this and know about it. 


I hate the fact that at some point I have to admit being a girl. Happened twice in my gaming hobby as of now, but the second one I don't know if it was a good choice. I don't care about lewd jokes and I really don't get offended, but there are people who do feel uncomfortable and if I seriously think about it, listening to these matters aren't supposed to be nice, really. I've basically given up on that part so maybe that's why I really don't get offended by anything anymore. But both times I have to admit that admitting to being a girl sometimes also makes me feel like there's some barrier between. The grill barrier. lol. Hate to admit but exists somehow in some form, mild but clearly there.


IRL friends care about me but don't really share any common likes. I've come to the point that I don't really believe my IRL friends care about me that much either. It's just a form of manner, just being kind. I don't have any best friends. 


I'm an introvert and care about how others think of me too much. I had a weeb friend but she's out of this weeb business and I'm not confident in discussing weeb things with her; I'm afraid she'll get sick of it. Koreans think weeb matter makes people anti-social, childish, and/or *insert negative comment here*. Partially the reason I find Koreans generally hard to get along with. In Korea it's either you don't watch anime, or you're really the PG18 guy looking at animuu, creepily watching vids in a dark room, clutching your dakimakura.


When I meet a person, I start to think about many things they could be thinking about myself. My mind is too simple to look through all circumstances, and I easily come up with the conclusion: this person's not fit for me.


I've been on osu! forums lately, and I was quite surprised by the lack of word filtering in forums. "fuck" and "shit" were a natural occurrance. I still feel uncomfortable at times using those words, but I do use them a lot in real life and they do get points across. 


I don't want to study for maths. Maths suck. Paper 3 is hard. I don't get it.

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생일.


being passionate about something. game? soccer? what could that be?



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1. 

오스 폐인이 되었다.

미쳔나바.

4* 풀콤할수있음.ㅋ!11


오늘은 디스코드에서 몇몇 멤버애들과 크게 싸운 후 나랑 내 친구랑 모더레이터라고 욕을 오지게 먹은 뒤 사건을 정리하고 서버를 다시 셋팅하고 친구는 피곤해서 자러가고 (새벽 세시까지 욕을 처먹어야했던 불쌍한 놈..) 내가 밤 새 모더레이팅 했다. 친구 모더랑 이렇게 바통터치를 하며 채팅을 지킨다. 


2.

오스에서 만든 친구들에 대해 이야기를 하자.


방금 말한 디스코드 서버 모더 친구. 얘는 심리학을 심도있게 공부했다고 한다. 그리고 물리도 잘해서 똑똑한거 티남. 범생이같음;; 여튼. 착하고 친절하지만 얘가 말하는거 보면 확실히 깥끔하고 딱 잘라내며 자기 자신을 잘 숨기는 성격임. 그래서 좀 무서움. 이런 애들을 볼 때마다 내가 인터넷에서 나 자신을 너무 드러내며 다니는건 아닌지 소름이 돋는다. 그래도 친하니까 그건 진심이라고 믿고 싶음.


다른 이유로 소름이 돋는 새끼. 얘는. 구제불능이라고 생각한다. 이런 애가 나중에 커서 성범죄로 잡혀간다고 확신할 수 있음. 애가 멘탈도 초딩이고.. 별로 맘에 안든다. 스토커같음. 이런 류가 자기한테 조금만 말걸어도 자기 좋아한다고 생각하고 자랑하고다니는 주위에 여자없는 놈.


그 이외에 나이를 똥꼬로 처먹었거나 개념상실한 넘들... 제외하면 컴퓨터 빠돌이들만 남는다. 대학생이던 갓고딩이던 코딩에 좋아서 환장함.ㅋㅋ 재미있다


3.

롤 친구 루나레벨. 보고싶다.. 말 안건지 오래됨

그러고보니 PBE 친구들은 잘 지내려나.


4. 

디스코드 편해 (uvu

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시험 끝난 자여. 안녕.


삼주에 걸친 시험 잘 봤니.ㅋㅋ;; 힘들었겠다.


난 지금 비공식 오스 채팅서버를 관리하는 중이야. 너는 아직까지 이 고통스러운 일을 하고 있니..? 

기억나겠지만 오늘은 멤버들과 큰 진흙싸움이 있었어. 별 일도 아니었는데 말이야.

나랑 친한 관리자 친구가 되게 힘들어보였다. 불쌍한 놈..

이 서버를 관리한지는 일주일 반 정도 지났어. 이걸 다시 읽을 때까지 별 불화가 없었다면 한달 반 정도 되었겠지.

대단하다. 모더레이팅 스킬은 많이 늘었니..


난 아직도 어떤 대학을 갈지 결정을 못했어. 벤쿠버가 가장 좋을 것 같아.


시험 끝난 인생은 어때? 재미있어? ㅠㅜㅠㅠㅠ 하고싶은 일은 다 했어? 


여튼, 빨리 5월이 됐으면 좋겠다.


2017/04/14. 다음주에 수학 Paper 3 Mock 시험이 있는 내가.


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요. 공부는 좀 했나? 대학은 붙었어?

시험도 얼마 안 남았네. 준비는 됐어? 학교 진도는 어때?

준비가 잘 되었으면 좋겠네. 지금 나는 힘들어. 하루에 몇번이나 다 때려치고 싶다는 생각을 하는지 몰라.

너도 비슷하겠지. 혹은 좋은 대학에 붙어 별로 상관 없을지도 몰라. 어찌되었든, 다 내가 만든 선택이니까.


그동안 수고했어. 이제는 정말 얼마 안 남았어.

힘내자, 졸업까지.


2017/01/04. 기말 하루 전.



ㅋㅋ 이거찾음. 적은 기억이 하나도 나지 않는다. 게다가 한달이나 늦게 보았잖아..

시험은 그저 그러겠지. 학교 진도는 아직도 끝내지 못했어.

준비도 잘 되지 않아. 대학은 붙었지만.. 그래도 공부는 해야돼.


이제 정말 한달도 안 남았어.

시험 잘 보게 해줘...

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54pp

내가 풀콤한것중 제일 난이도 높은건데 pp 얼마 안줌

현재 제일 높은 pp 기록은 73


인생 부질없다


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토플 119

SAT 1500



미친거아니냐.. 내 점수 맞는거니?

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버켓리스트

2017.02.12 06:50

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