Neko


'잡담'에 해당되는 글 126건

  1. 2018.04.14 20180414 Today's Rant
  2. 2018.03.28 burnt out
  3. 2018.02.05 osu! and walls
  4. 2018.02.02 She Kills Monsters
  5. 2018.01.31 Volunteering 2017-2018
  6. 2018.01.18 111日
  7. 2018.01.09 2017 티스토리 결산.
  8. 2018.01.05 Opportunity cost
  9. 2017.12.16 20171215 Today's rant
  10. 2017.12.15 Airplane / Travelling

Some good things:

Got back from 3 jobs after 7 applications

Got to be exec for two clubs that I am really excited for :)

Got a job offer after an interview! Hell I thought I was bad at interviews but I prepped a little bit for this one, as in thinking about some common questions and answers in advance but a hard question was "what do you think about punctuality" because I didn't know what punctuality meant so I had to ask. Fuck my vocab skills, I suck at this (but I answered goodly)

Boyfriend is super cute. Never fail to make me happy all the time :D


Some bad things:

Didn't get the job I was pretty hyped up for

My uhh current part time job supervisor hasnt been contacting me for a week

Stress from exam?!??! I dont like calculus. :(

Tomorrow's my birthday and I literally feel 0 connection to my birth like what's special about my birthday? I dont know

Worried I might be homeless this May


Some things to myself:

I need time off, a week to do absolutely nothing and to not feel guilty about it and not pressurized, I just need that time off like PLEASE let me LIVE GUILTLESS

I have to do laundry, clean my room

Three alcoholic parties scheduled one after another after the 25th, I'm ready to die. :)

My plan is to not drink much on each.


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Posted by 에버토끼

burnt out

잡담/뻘글 2018.03.28 18:15

for the past two and a half years i've been telling myself

"after this week, life's gonna be better"


but it's been an endless cycle, nothing's gotten better.

mental health's been deteoriating.


i need some time to heal up. a reset, some time to reflect on myself.

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Posted by 에버토끼

osu! and walls

잡담/뻘글 2018.02.05 10:55

Surprisingly, I've gotten a few PMs asking me about my improvement and style. I don't consider myself a good enough player for any of these questions just yet; there are many people with faster improvement rates than mine, and I'm still a mere 36k in rank. The only thing I consider to be my strength for this game is my perseverance, and that's what I'm going to talk about in this thread. 


To start off, people have told me I have more than average improvement rates so this might be really biased, but this thread's about my own experience. 


I've had around three mini-walls byfar. The first two, I was able to overcome by changing my settings. The first wall from 3-4*, I changed my skin. The second wall from 4-5*, I changed my input device (trackpad -> tablet). The third wasn't a problem with the environment. It was actually a problem with my skill. I was lacking in a lot of places. I had bad aim, I had no stamina, and I couldn't read. My pp wasn't improving at all despite three months of consistant play and a 100 hours in the same star range. That's a lot considering I've only played this game for a year.


It's frustrating, and I doubt I'm still out of the wall. During the three months, the more frustrating fact was that I could see myself improving and losing bad habits, but still couldn't gain pp. I had too many shitmisses and just wasn't consistent enough while I could still see that I was good enough to FC a map with decent acc. I also believe some people get stuck due to this reason; they just shitmiss one darn circle and don't get the pp for it.


While caught at a wall, I learned how to alternate. I learned to read cross-screen jumps, do kicksliders, and stream 200BPM consistently. I got my first UR under 100. Still not perfect, but a lot better than before. Still not consistent enough to FC maps, but decent enough to get 97+% acc on maps around 5.5-6* level. 


I took 2 week breaks inbetween, and played tech maps and stuff to improve my reading. I continued to enjoy the game even though it was super frustrating that I was stuck. Honestly osu is fun if you don't think about pp. Then you just remember you're stuck and you're frustrated again...


Anyways.

A few days ago I finally made some scores that made it to my top 10. Not suuper good scores, but decent plays. my previous plays were around 170pp and I couldn't get something over those, but I've made a few more 180-190pp scores. This is the farming phase, while I'm still frustrated I shitmiss, I play a lot more maps that are around 1.5 minutes and try to gain as much pp possible from the range of 170-190. 


So, don't be pressurized to improve. If you play a lot, you're bound to improve. Unless you're at your peak ability. Improvement rates slow down from there, and that's the point where I believe I will quit the game for good. So until then, please enjoy game and have fun.

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I really don't enjoy plays going into the theatre (I usually think they're a waste of time) but I enjoy them after all. Was the same for the musical RENT. They have great stories. I'm just not a big fan of them, but they're great. It was a good experience, a little childish story but I guess that was intentional. She Kills Monsters was a good breather, and I still suck at DND and RPing but I like watching these kinds of things.

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2017

Sep 23rd: Girls Learning Code Photo-Editing with Pixlr


2018

Jan 13-14: nwHacks 2018

Jan 20, Feb 3: UBC GIRLsmarts4tech Hardware Workshop

Jan 25: UBC TCF Volunteer

[PENDING] Aug 12-16: SIGGRAPH Student Volunteer 2018


Job experience:
Aug-Dec 2017: Place Vanier dining hall

[PENDING] Aug 2018: Jump Start Orientation Leader

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Posted by 에버토끼

111日

잡담 2018.01.18 19:30


닿을 듯 말듯

사라질 듯 말듯

너랑 대화할 때면 너무 좋은데 

네가 없으면 너무 외로워


있잖아, 수업 같이 듣는 애가 하나 있는데

너랑은 너무 다른데, 또 다른 매력이 있어

우린 서로의 이름밖에 모르는데 말이야


(혹시 몰라서 하는 말이지만 다른 생각은 없어, 난 지금도 네가 너무 좋은걸)


하지만 걔랑 대화할 때면 네 생각이 나

내 모든 대화를 들어주는 너

내가 무엇을 하소연하든 괜찮다고 말해주는 너


너는 아직도 매일 내 생각만 하고 있을까

혹여 다른 사람을 만나진 않을까

난 매일매일이 이렇게나 힘든데 오랜 시간을 버틸수 있을지 난 잘 모르겠어


어쩌다 넌 나같은 사람을 만난건지

우린 왜 그렇게 죽이 잘 맞던건지


24시간 넘게 떨어져 있는 거리에 사는데

어쩌다 마주치게 된건지


근데 무서워

어떻게 될지 모르겠어

너는 이렇게나 날 위해줬는데 내가 다 보답해줄지 못할까봐

상처만 남기고 끝날까봐 무서워

아직도 서로 이렇게나 좋아하는데

끝은 해피엔딩이 아닐까봐


Let's go to see the stars and the moon

I'll fly far into space as long as I am with you

The light in my bright eyes when you are near

The flutter i feel in my chest when you are here

I can't explain this kind of love

It pulls me to you, I want it, I can't get enough

So share this precious life with me

Just take my hand and let's enjoy the things that we'll see.

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Posted by 에버토끼


우울한 한 해였나보다. 단어구름이.. 우울하다. 근데 우울했던것에 비해서는 잘 지내고 있다. 2018년도 잘 부탁해요, 티스토리 그리고 여러분.


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Opportunity cost

잡담/뻘글 2018.01.05 16:11

I remembered I got accepted into MEng Comp Sci at University of Bristol.


I kinda regret making my decision to come here, where it's really difficult to get into the computer science program and risking all this stress. The MEng program was much more structured and hard core, looking at C in first year along with other courses that seemed tough and helpful to understand computers. It's also a 5 year program in which you can earn a Masters, along with an Engineering degree.


However, I've also met great people here, and I won't regret coming here if I end up getting into CPSC. So that's my only hope. Getting into computer sciences. Hopefully I'll make it.

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Posted by 에버토끼

I have a few traits, that I think, others would deem as "unfavorable" and even "pathetic" and/or "sociopatheic" if I ever show that part of myself. I'm guessing everyone has one, their meaner/darker selves they really don't want to share with others. This has been stressing me out for a long time. I hated dealing with my pathetic part of myself, not being able to share it with anyone and becoming more disappointed in myself without being able to find a resolution. It's not really something you would share, to be honest, unless to a counsellor or something. 


Recently I've found someone who I was able to share this to. I was able to tell them about how I felt and really tell them about what I thought was concerning of myself. They did not judge at all. Instead, they asked why it was making me uncomfortable. I still feel unsure of myself, but maybe they believe in me more than I do. I feel a lot more assured, a lot less worried. I don't really know what to say, it's been quite an enlightening experience and a very interesting connection we've made and it's really weird, I've been enjoying it.

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Why did I like travelling?


Because I make a lot of mistakes and make a lot of social connections I don't desire. (Usually this is my fault as I've always been afraid to truly be myself in front of others, hence creating an image of myself that I did not believe to be myself in truth.) So far in my life, travelling to a new country has been my escape, my part of lifestyle to ditch the previous social connections I've made that I wasn't satisfied with. I've left a lot of my friends behind. I have ghosted many, many friends' messages in the past. I was not ready to keep socializing with people I thought I would never meet again, or people I just didn't feel like I was close enough to.


I realized they were great friends and I hope the best for them. I'm thankful for their attempts at keeping social contact. Many have left and probably met better friends than who I was a few years or even months ago. I've changed drastically in the three months I've come to uni, and I have learned a lot of things. I've regained contact with previous friends that I have ghosted. I'm thankful for those who I've regained contact recently and from now on I'll try my best to keep contacting them. 


Why do I like being on an airplane?

When on an airplane, I don't have any responsibilities. My only responsibility is to arrive there safe. I have little luggage on hand. When I'm at school, I have to study, keep grades intact, keep my social life intact, feed myself so that I don't die. Wash clothes, shower, clean room. When I'm in Korea, I have to meet my family, try and spend as much time with them because chances are, who knows how long you'll be able to spend time with these people. Every moment is valuable, that's what I learned from years of being a borderless nomad.


So... I like being on an airplane. There's no hurry for anything. The time's there for me and myself only. I have around 10 hours to do anything I want, nothing to be stressful for, and that's why I look forward to being on an airplane.

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